Shame is a feeling we get when we believe there is something wrong with who we are, not just with what we did. Instead of thinking \u201cI did something bad,\u201d a person feeling shame often thinks \u201cI am bad.\u201d This can make someone want to hide, avoid other people, and feel small or worthless.<\/p>\n
In some ways, shame can play a role in helping people live together in groups. It can warn us that our actions are going against our own values or our community\u2019s rules. When that happens, it can push us to apologize, fix what we did, or change our behavior so we can rebuild trust with others.<\/p>\n
Shame becomes a problem when it is too strong, happens all the time, or is used to control people. Then it can lead to pulling away from others, harsh self-criticism, or feeling trapped in negative thoughts about yourself. A healthier way to handle shame is to ask whether the standards you\u2019re judging yourself by are fair, to separate \u201cI did something wrong\u201d from \u201cI am wrong,\u201d and to look for honest conversation, kindness, and real steps to make things better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"